Match 1:brock Lesnar vs Oba Femi:
This match was just pure and dare i reuse my terms here pure meaty men slapping.This match was at the end of the day a squash match for once it was big boy Brock getting squahsed nice change of pace from him defeating basically every black guy he faced. The unfiltered joy of Oba no selling the f5 was just amaing and tbh tis is the only match that i wont bitch was fast because hell yeah big meaty men doing meaty things.Will admit was surprised to see Brock seemingly retire but you never know maybe he just was being an ass in the ring and wont retire until he can beat the current black champian Raheem
match 2:6 person ladder match:
I wanna start this paragraph from the bottom of my heart.Fuck Terry Gene Bollea and his stupid real american documentary i dont wanna miss 3 fucking entrances so he can jerk his dead cock about how good he was. Anyway bck to the match shall we this match was just lets put a bunch of luchadors and flippy guys (and rusev) and have them murder eachother such as good old poor JD getting his nuts kicked in,Dragon lee getting 619ed with a ladder on his face or Penta mexican destroying J'von Evans through a fucking ladder this match really served the expectations of me. Then again im stupid and 0 expectations and yet half of this wrestlemania still managed to dissapoint me.
Match 3: Sami Zayn vs Trick Williams:
Now i think this match really shows i dont watch weekly showsbecause why tf was lil Yachty there i thought i was being racist when i was like is that lil yachty, thankfully im not. Sami was fucking on one tho trying to get that heal turn through his wrestling tbh nearly worked by getting wwe a lawsuit with tht kick on the outside. sadly unlike Brock vs Oba this match did not benefit from the spee of yachty stunning Zami into a trick shot. Im 90% sure that triple H wants to suckle on dream with the amount he is speedrunning these matches.
Match 4:"The Demon" Finn Balor vs "Dirty" Dominic Msteryio
This had an intresting pre start with Michael Cole talking about his "Dom juces" luckly that was immeditly forgotten when The demons entrance hit, god does it fuck, would it have been better if it wasnt already announced, probably but eh fuck it my chub is about to burst from this entrance. Starting with the match we immeditaly got more chair shots than the unsanctioned match like wtf surley withing kayfabe a unsanctioned match should be worse than a street fight but noooo Finn and Dom are gonna kill each other and not Drew vs Fatu like we had multiple head chair shit but Drew did one chair shot to the back. However for all the praise i can give this match as with all other atches at this wrestlemania is ended way to quickly and leaves you felt unfiled like a pornstar who gets payed to be the cuck
Match 5: Rhea Ripley vs Jade Cargill:
I can tell when my first note was written as it just says and i quote "rhea is so fucking hot" like im not wrong but one entrance and i consider it important to note.Any way twitter was having a field day with this match specifically the RP acounts with how Jade was thrusting during the pin. Other than the fanbase getting distracted cause no one in the wrestling community gets laid Bichin and B-fab came out to do some distracting which fucking nothing for the match than to get Iyo Sky on the card which is cool doing her flips tho not as good as my goat ninja mack in that one NJPW clip any way bla bla bla mommy wins while being hot idk i was to busy looking at other things than the wrestling cause i am one of the maidenless.
mid card bs sho thing idk its name
now this got a minor mention for a joke last night with the pregnancy announcment but this is better because our favroute little dweebhausen came out with midgehausens to hit Kit willson his pehausens and tbh i dont have much to say i just loved this segment because i am a fanhausen of danhausen like he is a fan of big Cenahausen
It was long,hard,rough and alot of dicksucking sorry i went to the notes for the other videos i watched last night, this match was long,hard,rough and only had dicksucking look alikes. for once this restlemania this match wasnt shortreaching a crisp 30 minutes. When watching this god punk did look so small in comparison to roman, however didnt mean Roman doesnt go for a DQ move luckly because he is Head of the table of giving Head (in kayfabe) he doesnt get DQed and gets to beat poor CM has to take steel steps. As the match goes on was kinda funny watching Punk do a OOOOOOOOOOH AHHHHHHHHHH when they were stealing eachothers finishers. Now i hate to admit as i am meant to be a syinical asshole but the story of punk not having the energy in the tank was done well but like i think that just ruined the end spear maybe im just depressed because it felt like there was 0 impact and shouldnt have done shit but nope 1 2 3 and Romans champ again not to show up for 7 months yayyyyyyyyy. Imagine if he never got cancer so never became the tribale chief
why am i putting this here? well because fuck you i can and i watched this after wrestlemania so short paragraph on that. I feel like this match really mixed good wrestling with the DDT BS with normal wrestling now was there much of the BS no but when we got it was perfect with best way to describe it being measuring tape spot with it being pulled really far to hit ELP in the face. Now this was a slower pace type of match which from what i gather is the japan style but it just made every move hit 10 times harder plus we still got some of that age old flippy dippy shit that we all live because its kinda funny. You can also really see the diffrence between Japan and US crowds with japan being really quiet other than claps for big big moves. Is this match a 5 star hidden gem banger, fuck no but just good wrestling and a banger to me